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Broke no contact
I contacted him last night after breaking up with him a week ago. I feel like he was my person and I was his, but my personal insecurities were hitting me really hard and I felt like it was not fair on him. Best for both of us to end it soon so I dont hurt him more, and now I can heal my mental health, which was declining rapidly these past few months (which has never happened before so it scared me). I told him that it was best not to see each other for a while, and he understood perfectly like always, because he is a great guy. The only thing thats messing me up is that he told me he felt like we could have fought for each other a little longer. I dont know if thats true, because i feel like i have tried to get better for him and that just made it worse. Now I feel like i have given up on him too soon and i feel so guilty, even though i know I had to make this decision.
am i toxic?
I met my boyfriend in july 2024 at first he was very caring he cries when i dont want to talk to him he chase me whenever i bring up break ups but now hes okay without me he prioritize his works and i get very jealous over that i always wanted him to be with me i dont want him to socialize with other people because i get used to him being with me all the time what should i do? hes suggesting that we need a cool off 😞
Explaining what happened. Leave advice or opinions
i met my boyfriend around 2022 and we began dating shortly after. we were young at the time-but going pretty well, both in highschool together, both immature and prone to toxic behavior. then around the beginning of 2023ish this guy follows me on instagram, i dm him and hide the chats, it's nothing major just asking about music recs and talking about schoolwork. i talk to him to my girl best friend the way i talked about my current boyfriend, i was slightly interested and curious about him. then my boyfriend finds out and a big fight ensues. i block the guy, never speaking or thinking of him again. we continue our relationship, and i deny being interested in the guy time and time again when it's brought up. Then, yesterday, my boyfriend/ex gets the urge to ask about it, it's clearly been bothering him for some time. He asks me if i was interested in him, rambling on and on about "how it doesn't make sense". i finally admit, "i was vaguely interested in him, but it was just curiosity more than anything". He then, after our whole relationship talk about marriage and even having names picked out for our kids, breaks up with me. We had been smooth sailing for years and we had rebuilt our trust together since then, i don't know why it just happened now instead of then. He said we could work it out but then he just turns around and leaves me. I understand completely that my actions have consequences, and i understand completely what i did was wrong and nothing can justify or explain what i did. We were both stupid teenagers who were toxic and worked out of those ways to become healthy adults having a thriving relationship. Everything was perfect since then, we both didn't watch porn, both looked away when nude scenes popped up on screen, both respected eachother, both had undying love for eachother, and even the night before he took me out to dinner because i was having a bad day at work. He's met my entire family and got along with all of them, came on family trips, was comfortable enough with my family to sleepover. He truly was and is a beautiful soul, and i just wish to come back to him. i just feel so lost, he was my other half, my best friend, and now i don't know what to do. I just cannot grasp how it can be perfect since the incident, the trust is regained, we fix toxic behaviors, then it suddenly gets brought up and he just leaves. I understand my actions are wrong, we ve just worked through so much that this seemed like something we could overcome. but i'm not in his position, i can't say for sure it's possible to regain trust after this. I've talked with him since then and he seemed set that this was the worst thing anyone could do. But talking with my family, his family, and his brother, they are adamant that i didn’t do something as bad as he’s putting it out to be. I clearly was wrong messaging another guy that interested me, and i understand that. Once he found out, something in my brain snapped and i felt like i needed to change from my toxic cycle. I would ve never cheated on my him, but he is stuck in the loop that i would have cheated if he never caught me. I've explained that i messed up, i’ve taken accountability, i've explored different perspectives and tried to understand his. Nonetheless he is adamant that this is the end of our relationship and it’s worse than i can picture it. It's tearing me apart, i've shown him since then that i recognized the wrongdoing in my past relationships and the wrongdoing of being interested and texting another guy. I've shown him that i can change, that i can grow, that i'm able and willing to improve myself for the sake of him and myself.
Trying to look forward
That hard part for me has been reminding myself that I can find someone else that I can connect with as I have with her. She was so funny, smart, pretty, and kind. She was the whole package. But what has been helping me is telling myself that love exists everywhere and it’s you that makes someone special to you. It’s nice to know that this past relationship, although it didn’t last, stands as a testament to all of our ability to find the good in people. There will always be people for you to care for. It’s also easy to forget the flaws. When I look more closely at our relationship, I can see now that in hindsight, she was amazing but being in her presence and being the center of her attention took away from the very real flaws that she had.
Lost after our breakup
I am feeling really lost since my partner and I split a little over 3 months ago. She broke things off with me via text/email and was pretty no-contact with me at the end. Our relationship was so great. We got along so well and I still love her immensely. We had built and were building such a strong bond over the past few years and even her kids were telling me how much they loved me. I was all in with this relationship. I had a family and now they are gone. Long story short, I have struggled with chronic PTSD for most of my life. At the beginning of our last argument, I had an event and when faced with specific types of emotional triggers, I withdraw. I try my best to communicate, but it doesn’t always work. It had happened during the years of our relationship 3 other times. This time, I had an event and it really triggered a level of frustration my partner felt for me that I had not felt previously. She limited our conversations to text only, refused to see me and said some very hurtful things over the last few weeks of our relationship. I am certainly not absolved of any wrongdoing. I said some of the wrong things at the end and was not as responsive to a few situations or even as empathetic as I had been. It was weeks after the breakup until my psychologist helped me navigate through to understand that I was looking at the situation through the lens of my fear response. It’s not an excuse, but it helps to better understand what I was feeling and why. She has had some traumatic experiences relationally and I have to wonder if some of what happened between us opened an old wound for her? I’m not sure. At this point for myself, I am really struggling with low self worth and a really negative image. I entered treatment with a psychologist to better manage my triggers and deal with my PTSD, but I’m finding it painful and even a dishonor to the memory of my relationship with her to even think about moving on. It’s stalling the grieving process and it’s largely due to the lack of closure. Any advice is welcome. I appreciate the opportunity to share. Thank you.
for anyone with an insecure attachment style or codependent tendencies
i HIGHLY recommend journaling- especially shadow work. i did a shadow work meditation last night and came out of it with tears streaming down my face. i have an anxious attachment style and talking to the suppressed, wounded part of myself from both the break-up and my past was such a self-discovery and transformative experience. Here's the book I got the meditation from: The Shadow Work Journal (New, Expanded Edition) For anyone struggling with being left by the person they loved most, i hear you. I promise that the earliest stages are the hardest but it gets better. But you shouldn't need someone, you should WANT them. The only person you truly need is you. If you let yourself shut down for someone who has shown they don't want you anymore, you're abandoning the person you actually need: YOU. I know the statement "they don't want you anymore" is a tough pill to swallow, but imagine what it'll feel like to love the person who always aants you and sees your worth? Amazing. Hold out for you and for them. The people who will stay end up there through your highs, lows, no matter what distance. But you must become the best you and love yourself before loving another. You cannot love another in a healthy way if you do not love yourself in a healthy way.
Narcissist
I was dating this guy for 4.5 years. The signs were there all the time and I chose to ignore it because I’m soooo into this guy. I love everything about him. He loved my children. He never loved me, probably like me..but that’s it. He never got over his ex, I had 3 miscarriages and he never came to the dr with me. He told me he couldn’t take off from his job, but took off many times to hangout with his friends. He always criticized my appearance, I felt he always compared me with his other girlfriends ESPECIALLY his ex. He never took accountability for his behavior, always blamed me. But this year the “relationship “ went down hill. We barely were intimate. Did I mention I asked him about the future of our relationship…he said he’s content living with his mom. That he will NEVER marry or move in with me. But he desperately tried to marry his ex that constantly cheated on him and had an abortion. I guess I was never good enough for him.
Good terms
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday evening. It was sunset and there was life going on outside his car where he shared his perspectives on our relationship. This cause of breakup gives no sense of betrayal, false heartedness — more on grounds of introspection from us both. Feelings change in the coarse of a year. It’s hard to hear the feelings changed. There’s so much I wish I could have done differently.
healthy breakup
I’m having a hard time lately because this guy I was seeing was having financial issues and decided to end our relationship. He is the first person to show me how much I deserve and love me so deeply. However, as his life got more complicated, he pulled away from me even more until eventually he couldn’t do it. He let go. And I’m having a really hard time because I would have stuck by him but he made the decision for both of us to end the relationship. I want to get back together but idk if his life will ever get better and when. I know time heals, but I don’t want to let him go. I just want to ask for support and advice I guess
Lost
I’m currently living with my ex. I have a one year old and a newborn baby. I have no car. No job. No family members who close to me and no money. He provides for me and my babies but he is not emotionally available. He never helps me with the kids and when he does it’s for a second and he feels like he that’s good enough. He never tried to fix the relationship, just always blames me for everything. We don’t even talk, we haven’t talked for months at that. I know the love was lost many months ago. I just feel worthless and not seen. He thinks being a mom is easy and his job is harder than mine. I never would compare our duties but I would appreciate the help especially if I just had our baby. I should be resting meanwhile I’m taking care of both babies and feeding them while ignoring my own take care needs. All he does is sleep drinks till he can’t wake up and then showers to then watch tv and leave me to manage the kids alone. I have no friends and no one to talk to. I want to leave and move with my babies but how if I have nothing.
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