Breaking up with someone you cared about can leave you feeling lost, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward. In these moments, it’s natural to gravitate toward instinctive habits you find comforting. However, certain actions you take after a breakup can hold you back from healing.
There’s good news, though. By identifying these patterns and making mindful choices, you can avoid unnecessary setbacks and take meaningful steps toward a healthier, happier you!
From impulsively reaching out to your ex to obsessing over social media updates, you can protect your healing by avoiding these common post-breakup pitfalls.
Mistake #1: Reaching Out to Your Ex
Wanting the familiar comfort of talking to your ex after a breakup is understandable. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more accustomed you become to talking to that person every day. Suddenly being cut off from communicating with them can feel scary and lonely.
However, reaching out to your ex is one of the most important things to avoid after a breakup. Connecting, whether in person or online, can reignite the feelings you may have for them. Studies also show that people who stay in touch with their ex after a breakup need more time to heal than those who don’t.
Healthy alternative: Try writing down what you wish you could say to your ex in a letter or email—but don’t send it. Getting your thoughts out in front of you can be cathartic and allows you to work through them in a healthier way.
Mistake #2: Stalking Your Ex’s Social Media
Being cut off from someone you cared deeply about is painful. Heading to your ex’s social media for an update on what they’re doing might seem harmless. Just like communicating with them, however, social media stalking reinforces your emotional dependency on them and makes moving on a greater challenge.
You might also come across photos of your ex seemingly unaffected by the breakup, which can be devastating when your feelings are hurt. Likewise, they may post pictures with someone new, and looking at those can make it harder for you to heal.
Healthy alternative: To resist the temptation of checking your ex’s profiles, consider doing a social media detox or blocking their content from appearing on your feed.
Mistake #3: Blaming Yourself for the Breakup
As you reflect on what went wrong in your past relationship, you may start blaming yourself for the breakup. Even if you feel like everything was your fault, the truth is breakups are rarely one-sided.
Just as both partners play a role in maintaining a relationship, both are usually responsible for at least part of its end.
Blaming yourself for the breakup fuels low self-esteem and makes honest reflection difficult. In the end, self-blame won’t help you heal—but it does turn getting over heartbreak into a bigger battle.
Healthy alternative: Rather than jumping to conclusions, spend time reflecting objectively on your past relationship and what went wrong. A tool like the Breakup Buddy app or the listening ear of a therapist or trusted friend can help you avoid playing the blame game.
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Mistake #4: Isolating Yourself from Your Social Network
Loneliness is one of the most common feelings experienced after a breakup. Finding ways to stay connected with others is crucial to healing. In fact, studies show that loneliness and social isolation can lead to anxiety, depression, and even heart disease.
Though you might not feel like dressing up for a night on the town, it’s important not to isolate yourself. A short conversation with a close family member or friend can make the world seem a little brighter.
Healthy alternative: Give yourself some time to grieve your breakup. However, after a day or two, make an effort to schedule plans with someone you care about—even if it’s just for a quick cup of coffee.
Mistake #5: Bottling Up Your Emotions
After a breakup, you might think feeling nothing would be better than riding the roller coaster of emotions you’re probably dealing with. However, suppressing your emotions only prolongs the pain you feel.
Studies show that keeping your emotions inside and trying to ignore them can lead to stress and negative impacts on your mental health over time. So, while it may feel good to bottle up your feelings now, the sooner you acknowledge your emotions, the sooner you can begin to heal.
Healthy alternative: Instead of suppressing your emotions, try to identify them. Simply naming what you’re feeling using a tool like a Feelings Wheel can help you learn to accept what you’re experiencing in the moment and start moving forward.
Mistake #6: Idealizing the Past
In the days and weeks after a breakup, you might find yourself remembering the relationship through rose-colored glasses. Romanticizing your ex and your past relationship can make healing more difficult—and keep you attached to an unrealistic version of reality.
If an idealized version of the past is stuck in your head, you aren’t alone. Research says that factors like “rosy retrospection” and the “scarcity effect” lead us to remember things as better than they were. However, continuing to do so can keep you stuck in the past and unable to move on.
Healthy alternative: To break free of the illusion, take some time to reframe your thoughts about the past. Reflect on the positives and negatives of your relationship and write them all down. Seeing both columns side-by-side can give you a clearer picture.
Take the First Step Toward Healing with Breakup Buddy
Healing from a breakup takes time and patience. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can give yourself the emotional space you need to move forward. Although leaning into easy habits is tempting, choosing healthier alternatives is a worthwhile investment in your healing and a happier future.
If you’re ready to take control of your healing journey, the Breakup Buddy app is here to support you. With tools to help you avoid common breakup mistakes and focus on personal growth, Breakup Buddy is a pocket-sized companion designed to help you overcome this challenge.