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Trying not to take a cheater back
My long distance girlfriend confessed to cheating on me 5 months ago with our mutual best friend’s ex. She only confessed because she attempted to cheat a second time, with the mutual best friend, and that friend stopped her and demanded she tell me about both instances. This was about a month ago now, and I broke up with her. Outside of this, our relationship was going so well which was why it was so blindsiding. While the distance was a challenge, we were seemingly a perfect match. But god, I miss her. And she knows exactly where she went wrong, exactly what she needs to fix, and has already started putting in the work to fix it. She’s working on being more honest, open, and fixing her self control issues and more that I won’t go into bc it’s personal. So we really miss each other and I want her to change and I want her and the future I saw us having together. The distance doesn’t help, because I promised last time I visited that we wouldn’t have to wait a long time to see each other again. In my head, I should take her back and work things out now so we don’t have to wait that long. But we might not ever see each other again and I don’t know how to process that. I don’t even know if doing long distance would be possible after this. I think it would be but everyone else thinks it’s not. Logically I know that we can’t get back together, at least not now. I would have to know that she’s changed and that can’t happen within a month. I also know I’m really vulnerable right now since it’s fresh. But I want to believe she can work on her issues. I want to believe she’s changed and will continue to change. At the same time… if I don’t leave, she won’t have that consequence and I’m worried she’ll make the same mistake in the future. It’s hard. I know she’s capable of change- we’ve both learned and changed a lot for the better throughout our time together. So I don’t like the idea of giving up on what we could learn from this and how our relationship could grow. I don’t know what to do. I also know logically we should go no contact for a bit, but neither of us wants that. Part of me thinks one last call before we do it would be nice. I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Any advice?
I hate him
So basically he really broke up with me cause some girl told him some dum shit
10 year relationship
I wish I didn’t hate him, but i do. He took me for granted. I moved out and still tried to leave the door open and hoped that he would fix things, but instead i got the blame for moving out. I hate him so much. I wish we didn’t have dogs together coparent. Today is the first day of no casual contact. No contact unless it has something to do with the dogs or the house and the divorce
Idk
First day of no contact and so confused on why we broke up he said he lost feelings, but then says he loves me and misses me. It was a year and a half long relationship, it was perfect and he was so sweet to me. People say think of all the bad things he did to you and how he shouldn’t treat you that way, but he never treated me bad ever. Just sucks idek how i lost him and would have done anything to keep him in my life.
Anxious-avoidant
I’ve been with my partner for about 2 years. We’ve had an anxious-avoidant dynamic (I lean anxious, he leans avoidant), and there’s been a lot of breakups/makeups in the past. He’s struggled with alcohol, shutting down, and sometimes turning to unhealthy coping, which has been painful for me. I’ve struggled with being clingy when I feel him pulling away. Last week we had another big fight. Our relationship was in a fragile state and we were working on reconciliation. We had a therapy session and at the session he told me how much he loved me and saw a future with me and didn’t picture his life without me and how much he missed me while we were apart, etc. however, after this fight, he cancelled our hangout and asked if I was still going to my independent therapy session and had said he would come with me, he ended up working so it didn’t pan out . I called him on lunch today and ended up finding out that he wanted to come to use the session as closure .He told me that he doesn’t see a future with me, that we’re not compatible, and that he thinks we both need different, more “supportive” partners. He said he loves me but it’s not enough, and that he feels he has to be the one to end this because otherwise it will just drag on. He’s booked a final therapy session (we’ve been in couples therapy) for “closure.” I cried and begged him not to end it, which I regret, because although there was a bit of guilt , it seemed to make him more firm. He said he’s been thinking about this, and he seemed more calm than in the past, his messages this week were also more detached, not angry. He did get mad on the phone, though once I was crying . He did say a small part of him still feels ambivalent, but overall he was clear that his decision is to end things. Once he was mad, he said we needed to hang up the phone and that he would see me in therapy next week and not to call him back. Here’s where I’m stuck: • In the past, when we’ve broken up, he’s come back after a few weeks of space. • This time feels different, because he’s framing it as final and wants a therapy session for closure. He also reached out three days after a big fight and asked if I was still going to the session which I did not yet know he was using as closure and I would’ve found out there. • I’m debating whether I should go completely silent and let time pass, to see if he reconsiders, or if I should accept this as the real ending and move on. Our therapist also had to cancel the session for next week and it’s being moved, but we don’t have a date yet. I was wondering if I pushed out the date further if that would give him time to reconsider while I went silent. Questions: 1. For people who’ve been in anxious-avoidant dynamics, does this sound like a “final” breakup, or just another cycle? 2. How do you know when it’s really done versus when someone is just overwhelmed? 3. Is it better to try to delay the therapy session and go no contact until then, or just accept his words at face value? I care deeply about him and still love him, but I also don’t want to keep myself stuck in limbo forever. I’d love outside perspective.
Ex+BD
I broke up with my bd two days ago but I still love him very much and obviously we have to stay in contact and it’s so hard for me not to beg for him back but we fought everyday didn’t talk much but it pains me to think of him with someone else but I know we aren’t good for each other and I can’t help but cry knowing my family is broken
Venting/seeking other opinions or even help.
It has been 4 months since I last talked to her. I was the one who ended things in June but we stayed very close up until July. She thought we still had a chance at being together but I had told her I don’t think it’s right to get back together because we constantly argued. After I told her that, she immediately found a guy a lot faster than I thought she would, it crushed me because that’s when I realized how much I loved her. She found a guy who has the same name as me and he sounds 100x better than me. When I first found out it put me in a dark place I got very depressed and suicidal. Me and her went out to eat one night to discuss things and when she told me what he’s like it made me feel worse, I was tempted to tell her about my depression and suicidal tendencies. When we went out to eat I told her I think I may be done with the dating life for good .I knew telling her about the suicidal thoughts wasn’t a great idea but I did it anyway out of the pressure. She told me I needed to talk to my family since I am so close to them. But after I explained the whole situation to my friends they told me she sounded super manipulative and that gave me the courage to cut contact with her. Once I did in a respectful manner she ended up calling me and was going crazy telling me I’m insane, that I needed to seek help, that the other day I wanted to stay friends and begged her and now I changed my mind. She said it would be the last time we spoke to each other after I was trying to fix things with her during the convo. I haven’t talked to her since but I hangout with a close friend that has her on social media and we talk about both of our problems. I tend to cry about her often and can’t seem to get away from my thoughts about her. I’m struggling a lot right now.
Vent
I think about her no matter what I’m doing I can’t get her out of my head, no matter what I do she’s always in the back of my mind. I know I need to love myself more because without her I feel empty. She cheated on me 4 times I want to move on so bad but I know eventually she will beg for me again and I’ll go back to the same cycle. I kept loving her and loving her because I thought she would change. As someone that has an anxious attachment it’s so hard to love an avoidant.
My twin flame
My imagined future…We were truly engaged before the breakup. I imagined a wedding on the beach. Just us with our feet in the sand. Then having a big party with our friends/family when we returned. I imagined growing old together. Getting a small house on the beach. Just living a happy simple life. Just loving each other and having a lot of physical time together. It was out of this world. Like I saw stars more than once. We were so connected in a ridiculous amount of ways not just physically. He is 100% my twin flame. You could feel the energy between us when we would touch. It was electric. We could put our lips super close and not even touch yet feel like we were kissing. We were just living. Reading, doing hobbies, laying in the sun, him playing guitar and using chat GPT. He is truly a genius and an insane guitarist. I recognized those things in him instantly. I honestly feel like I am dying and dead inside. Like half of my soul has been ripped out of my body.
I saw him today and I need help please
I saw him today after 3 months of breakup. We totally ignored each other. He was the one who ended things “over text” in a very disrespectful manner, though i begged him to fix, he handled the breakup in the shittiest way you can think of. THE QUESTION HERE IS: is it normal to expect him not to ignore me in public? Why did I imagine him coming to day hi? Or to want to talk to me? And when he didn’t; I felt stupidly sad and anxious, i don’t understand these post breakup emotions, how does healing work? Why do I miss him and want him to apologize and got triggered when he ignored me???????? Someone explain so I can have a clear perspective on this. My mins is killing me
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