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day 40
today was heavy in a quiet way. i didn’t cry, but there was a weight in my chest that didn’t go away. i kept thinking about him — not constantly, but enough to feel it in my stomach. i had moments where i felt strong, like i was making progress. but then there were those other moments… the ones where i questioned everything again. the ones where i wondered if he ever cared at all. the worst part is still the silence. not because he’s not texting — but because of what that silence makes me feel about myself. like i wasn’t enough. like maybe i misunderstood everything. but deep down, i know i didn’t. he saw my light. and if he couldn’t meet me there, that’s on him — not on me. today i tried not to run from the sadness. i let it be there. and maybe that’s the bravest thing i’ve done in a while. i’m healing, even if it’s slow. even if i’m still mad. even if it still hurts. i’m staying with myself. and that’s something he never did. 💔
Just had a date
Just had a date after a loooooooooooong time mourning my past relationship. I know most people here have gone through their breakups fairly recently but I thought maybe this one data point could help someone. I thought my ex was the one. That she was perfect in every way, that even though she broke up with me she would come back and apologize and I would forgive her because she was so great. Well. I couldn’t. This new girl though is much more compatible with me humor wise and is super smart and independent too. I’m not sure of a future with here but just wanted to share with some people maybe still trapped in the immediate fog of a breakup that other people exist, and they have the qualities that would make them good partners. Maybe it wont work if there are dealbreakers on either side, but for now I’m keeping an open mind on the truths and not letting my emotions control me
day 39
today was hard in a quiet kind of way. i stayed home for the first time instead of running from place to place, and for the first time in a while, i really sat with the pain. it was heavy. i felt everything. but i knew i had to. i realized i’ve been distracting myself so much lately – seeing friends, staying busy – just so i wouldn’t have to feel how bad this actually hurts. but that only made it worse. it all built up. and today it hit me. there’s still a part of me that’s angry at him – for not showing up, for not caring, for acting like i didn’t matter. and yet, there’s also a part of me that misses him in ways i can’t even explain. not just the person, but the idea of what i wanted us to be. what confuses me most is that, even after everything, a part of me still wants to feel close to him. i hate that. i hate that he still has that power. but i also know that’s not real love – it’s pain pretending to be love. i slept a lot today. because sleeping is the only time i don’t think about him. and for now, that’s my peace. i know this is gonna take time. and i know this feeling won’t last forever. but today, i gave myself space. and honestly – that’s a big deal.
Why so sudden?
I’ve recently gone through a breakup that I didn’t want, and it’s been deeply overwhelming. We were together for two years, and it ended suddenly. I’ve been feeling really lost, anxious, and heartbroken, like I can’t function or breathe without this person. I keep trying to hold onto hope, but it’s also tearing me apart. I don’t know how to let go, and I don’t feel like myself anymore. I want help learning how to deal with the loss, how to give space, and how to focus on myself again, even if that means accepting something I really don’t want to be true.
Only a week but he was my first love.
Im still young but thought i met the absolute man of my dreams. Faith in Jesus. Incredibly attentive and loving and when we were “friends” he was the most sweet man. Then we started dating. At first he was unsure of his feelings but ended up asking me out. The while we were dating he began to pull away. I forgot to mention how when we were still friends we acted like lovers. But yesterday he texted my best friend asking how to “break up” with me. Because he doesn’t feel the same. Apparently i was nothing more than a friend and he dated me out of pity and fear of “hurting my feelings” he was the first boy i dated that i loved and it hurt so much hearing that he never felt the same. Buti wanna get better and grow. It was only 12 days, how do i get over my first love. He met my family church friends and I graved his fingers into my brain. I cant stop thinking of him and it hurts so much.
Master plan but jokes on him now
He kept pushing our wedding date back so I called it quits and checked his phone. Looks like he was causing chaos because he is setting up sleeping with other women and prob wanted to do it without the guilt. Meanwhile I am here living together, going half on bills to help him, raising his two children (that are not by me), and doing everything a wife would do and in his free time with his free money BECAUSE OF THE HELP I PROVIDE he is seeking sex from sex workers and telling everyone we already broke up. So this was planed, he is pretending to be fighting for me after I broke up with him and began looking for a place but I saw the things and his phone and now I know it was all part of a plan. Little does he know I signed my lease and move in in 25 days. He won’t even get to fix this and will need to make arrangements to clpay his own bills as take care of his kids by himself. Jokes on his
Relationship After Widowhood
I dated a man for six months almost 2 years after losing my spouse of 16 years. He opened my heart again with a lot of loving words and physical affection that I had lacked. At first I wasn’t that interested, to be honest. He was 12 years younger and I could see there were parts of his personality that I knew right off the bat I disliked. However, I felt I needed this relationship and I stayed. We broke up 4 times. Each time with more hurt than the last. I tried to go no contact. Didn’t stay consistent with that because I was hoping we could be friends but I could see that he would insist in trying to be physically intimate again. It’s hard. I care about him and wish him the best. My heart hurts because he was loving most of the time but he was also sarcastic, angry, passive aggressive and jealous. It was unhealthy for me. I’m detoxing now and it physically hurts. Most likely because it’s a loss - another loss. 💔💔💔💔💔
How
How do u stop this, physically painful. I got up and took a shower put some makeup on and went to work. It is going well and I am sucssesfull. But how real thisener gy is. It’s like boba I called it boba. Pain in my chest that is not shaming a heart attack . Boba can come surprised even if you woke up to a beautiful day . Boba knows he shouldn’t be there and once under control boba IS GONE very is there any trick. and it can ruined your day if boba comes strong if he decides to come full power that will be a f ull on screaming crying day why doo this to ourselves when we can just live . And enjoy the sun. I have nothing missing I am incredibly at my job. I am about to buy my first house , I am beautiful and smart and so unique what is thumbs I’m a pretty girl , and pretty girls are never lonkey. Said Gabrielle solid to her husband in the real housewif So why do I feel alone? Am I just feeling sorry for myself I know my husband will make an entrance , he is just waiting for it to be so special it will be told for gen to come , he is so romantic loving keeps you safe and honest that any woman heart will melt but he only wants mine My husband adores me. He will make my biggest dream comectrues and get me house and choke s, yard and a wheasty and 4 kids that are so beautiful smart curious each other and funny He will do all of that.
Mom..
We were together for gosh knows how long and then he suddenly stop texting me and he never ever texted me again and all that time we shave together.. I can’t believe him.
Situationship
I was with my ex for 14 years. Despite having complicated on and off periods, I still consider him as my best friend. I chose to move to another state in the mindset of finding new opportunities because everything about trying to 'survive' within societal terms absolutely sucks - but I was moreso running away from trauma, negativity and fear (now that I had time to reflect on my decision). My ex's love language is physical touch, thus he was like "if you move, that's a dealbreaker because I need someone to fill that need." Being the rational person I am, I solemnly agreed that we should break up because I can't and won't be able to provide what he needs. Looking back, I still wasn't able to even when we was just an hour away from each other because trauma holding me back from prioritising our relationship, showing up for him physically/ intimately, etc. But, even then, he still understood and put effort into trying to make it work while I. just took everything for granted and didn't realize I was codependent with him until it was too late. Of course, I blame my upbringing and emotional neglect from family/ friends; but that's a childish excuse, I feel like. Anyway, even though we should have just departed as friends, we decided to go the 'situationship' route. And, I should have known that was going to trouble - at least on my end. I still had romantic feelings for him but I should have saw the signs that he had moved on without me. Change in behaviour, lack of communication... falling in love with someone else. The one thing we promised each other was that, since we were going to be in a situationship, we would at least tell each other ASAP when feelings were developing for someone else. So that there wouldn't be any confusion or conflict; like me, wanting to see him over the holidays and have sex. But, he told me that he has a girlfriend last minute. It just feels like he didn't have any regard about my feelings so l feel hurt and disrespected. Is this on me? Yeah, most likely. However, his excuse was that he wanted to wait until NEXT TIME we say each other in person to say anything. If I didn't plan on visiting back to my home state, WHEN would the next time would've been? Would he have just left me in the dark? I don't necessarily care that he has moved on. I'm just hurt how all of this was handled. You would think more than a decade together would warrant some type of respect tbh.
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