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Confused seeking advice
We were dating for 4 yrs and got married 4 months ago. We always had fights but after we got married every fight escalated to extreme. I was called bitch, cont, go die. Followed by saying he wants divorce. Than after storm passed he would say he didn’t mean the divorce. He said it’s my fault cause fights and when he gets that pissed and hurt he wanted to hurt me. I said over and over again don’t say divorce unless you mean it. Last fight on thanks giving, he went to my friend husband and said this is not what he signed up for and 1 week after getting married he has been thinking about divorce. After few days I confronted him very calmly and he denied that he mentioned divorce. I asked him if he really wants it tell me so I won’t be cut by surprise. He left for business trip and I ran to his best friend and I found out that he called him as well sounding upset and desperate not knowing what to do with the marriage. After his friend check on him few days later he text him things are ok now. I m torn feeling unsafe in this relationship and being away for a week I m think maybe I should follow his recommendation and go ahead and file. I don’t know if he is uusing d as a manipulation or he wants it
Sweden Sweetheart
He lived on the other side of the globe but we clicked so incredibly well and we were convinced we were going to wait for each other. He got in a relationship and I was happy for him. We lost contact. They broke up, we got back in contact. He liked someone else, I was happy for him. They didn't work out so we got back in contact. He left me just because. He came back so lustful and began guilt-tripping me into things. I didn't care and didn't realize because I love/d him. Then he told me he was still in love with his ex and that's when I cut things off. As Conan gray sai, I can't be his lover on a leash. He knows I'll wait for him so whenever he's lonely he comes back to me. And then he took advantage of my past experiences and managed to manipulate me into doing things. Worst part is that I still love him, still know the time difference, never realized how manipulative he was, still just see him as a sweet boy who was mistreated, still miss calling him every single night. He's so awful for me but I love him so dearly
Not sure whether we are meant to be together
We’ve been together for 2 months. He always tries to keep some distance with me when we’re hanging out in a group of friends. He said he will work on that. But I still feel some distance when we’re hanging in a group. Maybe he’s not that into me? But I tried to say take a break a few times, he says we are barely started yet. Give us some time. Idk.
help
Why can’t i stop crying and thinking about him after two months? I am at this point where i want to go back to his house beg for him back. I know i shouldn’t but i dont care anymore. I need him to see how much i love him still. I cant be without him!
How to get over the guilt
I had to leave, had to get out. 6 years of never improving arguing… I’m only just coming to terms with the abuse I experienced as well. I’m in a constant state of anxiety and guilt and I don’t know how to make it go away. Any advice would be appreciated.
Trying not to take a cheater back
My long distance girlfriend confessed to cheating on me 5 months ago with our mutual best friend’s ex. She only confessed because she attempted to cheat a second time, with the mutual best friend, and that friend stopped her and demanded she tell me about both instances. This was about a month ago now, and I broke up with her. Outside of this, our relationship was going so well which was why it was so blindsiding. While the distance was a challenge, we were seemingly a perfect match. But god, I miss her. And she knows exactly where she went wrong, exactly what she needs to fix, and has already started putting in the work to fix it. She’s working on being more honest, open, and fixing her self control issues and more that I won’t go into bc it’s personal. So we really miss each other and I want her to change and I want her and the future I saw us having together. The distance doesn’t help, because I promised last time I visited that we wouldn’t have to wait a long time to see each other again. In my head, I should take her back and work things out now so we don’t have to wait that long. But we might not ever see each other again and I don’t know how to process that. I don’t even know if doing long distance would be possible after this. I think it would be but everyone else thinks it’s not. Logically I know that we can’t get back together, at least not now. I would have to know that she’s changed and that can’t happen within a month. I also know I’m really vulnerable right now since it’s fresh. But I want to believe she can work on her issues. I want to believe she’s changed and will continue to change. At the same time… if I don’t leave, she won’t have that consequence and I’m worried she’ll make the same mistake in the future. It’s hard. I know she’s capable of change- we’ve both learned and changed a lot for the better throughout our time together. So I don’t like the idea of giving up on what we could learn from this and how our relationship could grow. I don’t know what to do. I also know logically we should go no contact for a bit, but neither of us wants that. Part of me thinks one last call before we do it would be nice. I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. Any advice?
Anxious-avoidant
I’ve been with my partner for about 2 years. We’ve had an anxious-avoidant dynamic (I lean anxious, he leans avoidant), and there’s been a lot of breakups/makeups in the past. He’s struggled with alcohol, shutting down, and sometimes turning to unhealthy coping, which has been painful for me. I’ve struggled with being clingy when I feel him pulling away. Last week we had another big fight. Our relationship was in a fragile state and we were working on reconciliation. We had a therapy session and at the session he told me how much he loved me and saw a future with me and didn’t picture his life without me and how much he missed me while we were apart, etc. however, after this fight, he cancelled our hangout and asked if I was still going to my independent therapy session and had said he would come with me, he ended up working so it didn’t pan out . I called him on lunch today and ended up finding out that he wanted to come to use the session as closure .He told me that he doesn’t see a future with me, that we’re not compatible, and that he thinks we both need different, more “supportive” partners. He said he loves me but it’s not enough, and that he feels he has to be the one to end this because otherwise it will just drag on. He’s booked a final therapy session (we’ve been in couples therapy) for “closure.” I cried and begged him not to end it, which I regret, because although there was a bit of guilt , it seemed to make him more firm. He said he’s been thinking about this, and he seemed more calm than in the past, his messages this week were also more detached, not angry. He did get mad on the phone, though once I was crying . He did say a small part of him still feels ambivalent, but overall he was clear that his decision is to end things. Once he was mad, he said we needed to hang up the phone and that he would see me in therapy next week and not to call him back. Here’s where I’m stuck: • In the past, when we’ve broken up, he’s come back after a few weeks of space. • This time feels different, because he’s framing it as final and wants a therapy session for closure. He also reached out three days after a big fight and asked if I was still going to the session which I did not yet know he was using as closure and I would’ve found out there. • I’m debating whether I should go completely silent and let time pass, to see if he reconsiders, or if I should accept this as the real ending and move on. Our therapist also had to cancel the session for next week and it’s being moved, but we don’t have a date yet. I was wondering if I pushed out the date further if that would give him time to reconsider while I went silent. Questions: 1. For people who’ve been in anxious-avoidant dynamics, does this sound like a “final” breakup, or just another cycle? 2. How do you know when it’s really done versus when someone is just overwhelmed? 3. Is it better to try to delay the therapy session and go no contact until then, or just accept his words at face value? I care deeply about him and still love him, but I also don’t want to keep myself stuck in limbo forever. I’d love outside perspective.
I saw him today and I need help please
I saw him today after 3 months of breakup. We totally ignored each other. He was the one who ended things “over text” in a very disrespectful manner, though i begged him to fix, he handled the breakup in the shittiest way you can think of. THE QUESTION HERE IS: is it normal to expect him not to ignore me in public? Why did I imagine him coming to day hi? Or to want to talk to me? And when he didn’t; I felt stupidly sad and anxious, i don’t understand these post breakup emotions, how does healing work? Why do I miss him and want him to apologize and got triggered when he ignored me???????? Someone explain so I can have a clear perspective on this. My mins is killing me
Betrayal and Breakup
Last week I found out that my ex cheated on me when she was on her exchange semester in the US. I looked on her phone a random evening because I had no battery, I went to her Instagram and I saw that she was texting with this guy. I asked her if she fucked with him and she said yes. I had suspicions because when we met after 4 months she got tested positive to chlamydia. But she was lying until I found out. It broke my heart, everything changed because we just moved together. I was ready to forgive her, because my love is so strong but she never have me the feeling that she would want that. Yesterday, I was looking for answers so I looked into her stuff , and I found a list of guys ( Where I am in), I knew the guys before me but I found out that it was more than one guy, but 8 guys with whom she had done petting and kissing. I was absolutely shocked and I decided that I will go back to Paris (I was living in Munich because she is german). I asked her to meet on monday to say goodbye because after that I will never be able to talk to her. I told her that she will never go anywhere if she continues like that, she cannot say to me that she loved me when she was doing stuff like this to me, while i was working as hell in Munich. All of this is so confusing because she was so honest with me during the last 3 years, but i think temptation pushed her to do such horrible things. I told her "You will never find a guy like me, I have you everything, I was believing that you were the love of my Life, but you ruined it yourself". Now i am scared that I will become such a complicated person in my future relationships. But I guess time wil be the answer…
Most painful break up I ever experienced.
Just ended a relationship of 2 years and 5 months. We experienced a lot together not until we decided to continue our relationship in a long distance because he said confidently he can do it. He just ended the relationship with me 2 months into our LDR stage because he felt that i was suffocating him and controlling him and that he admits he was tired of me from all the constant updates and being limited to be with his friends who are girls by the way. In me i understand he can feel that way but i hope he understands that i will obviously get jealous and will be hard to adjust not knowing what he is doing in another country far away from me. And i was very open to him about it but not in the way that im controlling him i was just opening up my feelings and asking for him to work together to fix this problem in our relationship but he doesn't want to or he's not very good at communicating with me. Everyday i felt this heavy feeling that he is hiding and lying his feelings about me, he wasn't very open to me and he always used the excuse that he doesn't want any problem to arise thats why he hides things such as pictures of him and the girls he was friends with, however i felt uneasy and he doesn't explain this kind of things to me because he is very convinced that he doesn't do anything bad or wrong into our relationship. i chased him and chose him over and over again but he gives up easily at times that i just need him to meet my emotional needs because i was used to him making me feel that way meeting my emotional needs. now i let him go for he wants to enjoy his life without any limit and i just wished he never agreed to be in a long distance with me if he doesn't want anyone limiting him or making him known to his boundaries when it comes to having a relationship,and im in the process of healing but it still hurts because its still fresh just 3 days ago. and worst of all i have no one else to talk to about this problem of mine don't have any friends because i let myself get attached to him only every day in my life. Worst of all is that we are legally in a relationship both of our families were involved and now all of us hurt both our families from what happened because they really thought we would be the one for each other and our relationship is the type of date to marry type.
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