Navigating the ups and downs of a situationship can (ironically enough) be very difficult. Though the idea of keeping things casual and undefined might sound appealing, this type of involvement stirs up feelings just like any other relationship. Though things might have never been official, a situationship breakup can be quite painful.
If you’re facing the end of a causal romantic connection, you may be feeling a mix of rejection, regret, and lingering “what ifs” about what could have been. The lack of clear boundaries and closure following a situationship breakup can make it hard to understand what you’re feeling and why. But remember: whatever emotions you experience are valid, and you deserve to give yourself the space and compassion to work through them.
Let’s explore why situationship breakups can hurt so much and dive into some strategies you can use to start moving forward.
Why Situationship Breakups Feel So Hard
First off, what is a situationship? Experts from Psychology Today define it as “a romantic or sexual relationship that’s not clearly defined in any way and doesn’t involve any type of commitment.”
Situationships might last a few weeks or months, but ultimately, this type of relationship lingers somewhere between a one-night stand and a full-on dating relationship. One thing most situationships have in common is that neither party really knows what’s going on between you or what to expect in the future.
Depending on your dating outlook, a situationship might sound like a great arrangement. If so, you aren’t alone. Nearly 40% of adults in the U.S. report having been in at least one.
So, what makes a situationship breakup so painful? A few factors can explain why ending this type of relationship is so emotionally challenging.
1. Ambiguity and Confusion
Because situationships often avoid labels and expectations, they’re naturally murky. Placing what you’ve lost can be difficult without the typical markers of a relationship (like anniversaries, titles, or joint plans for the future). You may wonder if you even have the “right” to feel heartbroken. Hint: you do. After a situationship breakup, it’s normal to feel a sense of loss and confusion even if the boundaries of your connection were never defined.
2. Feelings of Rejection and Insecurity
Situationships might seem easygoing on the surface, but they can leave you feeling vulnerable deep down. When one person decides to walk away, the other might be left questioning their value or wondering whether they are enough. Even if the connection was casual, it’s common to internalize the end of a situationship as a personal rejection.
3. Lack of Closure
At the end of a defined relationship, the dreaded “talk” often solidifies the breakup. Situationships tend to end abruptly or without explanation. Finding closure can be difficult when there was no official beginning or end goal. You may even find yourself wishing things would have been more serious or that you’d taken a leap to define the relationship while it was happening.
4. The Illusion of Potential
Often, what hurts the most isn’t the end of the situationship, but the loss of what could have been. Situationships can hold a tantalizing hint of potential—a sense that maybe, just maybe, it could have turned into something more. Losing that possibility can feel like a heartbreak of its own, leaving you stuck in a loop of questions without answers.
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Coping Strategies for Moving On After a Situationship Breakup
Regaining your footing after a situationship ends can feel like a struggle. You might be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions, or worse, you might question whether those feelings are even real. The truth is, each of your feelings is entirely valid. Acknowledging them is an important part of moving on, even if you’re tempted to shrug them off.
Patiently sitting with your feelings and allowing them to develop can be incredibly therapeutic. Tools like journaling and meditation can also help you dive deeper into your emotions and process them in the most effective way for you.
If you’re struggling with lingering attachments, creating some space may be beneficial. Staying connected through social media or late-night texts might feel harmless, but doing so often reopens your emotional wounds. Putting some distance between yourself and the other person can help protect your heart while you heal.
Above all, the time after a situationship breakup is an opportunity to focus on you. Practicing self-care is a powerful way to start feeling whole again. What this looks like is different for everyone—whether it’s getting outside, enjoying a good book, engaging in a hobby, or spending time with friends. Importantly, the goal isn’t to avoid your feelings. Self-care is about filling your own cup while gradually finding your happiness again.
Remember that healing from any breakup is rarely quick. You don’t have to be over the situationship in a day or a week. You’ll emerge stronger and happier by taking things slow, giving yourself room to feel, and focusing on self-compassion.
Reflect on the Role of Situationships in Your Life
After you’ve allowed yourself to process the end of a situationship, it can be helpful to pause and consider what you truly want from future connections. Situationships can offer companionship and intimacy without the weight of commitment, but sometimes they leave us feeling unfulfilled or stressed. Ask yourself if the lack of clarity in these relationships meets your needs or leaves you feeling more anxious than happy.
You may realize that a more stable, committed relationship would bring you peace. A situationship isn’t right for everyone, and that’s okay!
You might also find that a break from dating of any type so you can focus on yourself sounds more appealing. Also a great choice!
Whatever you decide, understanding what you need to feel happy and whole will guide you toward more fulfilling relationships when you’re ready for them.
Conclusion
Going through a situationship breakup may be confusing, but by embracing your emotions, giving yourself space to heal, and gaining clarity on your relationship needs, you can come out of this experience feeling more centered and ready for what’s next.
If you’re looking for extra guidance or tools to help you through the healing process, consider trying the Breakup Buddy app. Don’t let the name fool you! Breakup Buddy is designed to help you through every step of the end of a relationship and has insights, resources, and personalized exercises to help you process your emotions after a situationship ends. Start your journey to a stronger, happier you with a free trial!