Grieving

I got broken up with September 4th 2025. I was in a relationship (my first one) for almost 2 years. I have come to realize a few things. For one even though he broke up with me (and later tried to gaslight me saying it was my perspective on how the conversation went. Or that it never happened or it was ‘mutual’) in some ways I see how I contributed to the break up and some of the things I said were things I’d never thought I would say to another person. But I know how he treated me was completely unacceptable and I deserved a kind man who cared. He doesn’t have the emotional capacity to care about me in “hard” situations. I’ve been experiencing grief for a long time now due to trauma I went through back in August 2025 (he abandoned me.. in a time it should’ve been both of us he left.) . He just showed me how weak and cowardly he is. While I had to deal with the emotional labor and trauma. It’s awful. I know how you treated me was bad. I know how the situation went showed his true colors and yet I still miss him. My heart aches. My soul hurts and it feels like every day I’m more alone, but I know I shouldn’t be treated like that and I just wish it never happened, but he wasn’t a good person to me in the end. I miss him and I’m grieving not only him but the love that I had because I loved him so much. I think I still love him, but it’s definitely not the same and I think that’s really hard to accept because I loved him so much he was my first And I don’t know how to face him telling him. I don’t love him the same way anymore because that just seems cruel to do to another human however he did things to me. I would’ve never done to him and I think that shows who’s better because I don’t want to hurt someone and I don’t think he wanted to hurt me but I just think he didn’t understand Anything