I don’t know if he was abusive or not but it sure felt like it sometimes. I even got a book about how to tell the difference between emotional abuse and a normal relationship. I can relate to the book quite a bit but I’m still confused. My mind is full of moment he belittled me and they cross my mind here and there and it hurts when they do
Honestly this is probably the first time I’ve shared this much about my feelings about how he might be abusive. I tried sharing with my therapist while we were still together but she said that me thinking he is abusive is my mind trying to play tricks on me 🙁 damn…. It’s this feeling that no one would believe me if I shared how I thought he was
Our perception is our reality. If you felt belittled you were belittled. If you shared it with your partner and they did not change the behavior it’s valid that you and they now know what makes you feel belittled and they chose not to adjust how they speak to avoid that. People don’t have enough grace. If he stepped on your toe and you told me he was abusive I might say friend let’s look deeper at why you are easily offended. This doesn’t sound like that situation so I’ll say friend evaluate your feelings be honest with yourself about it all and if you feel hurt. You’ve been hurt. If you e shared your pain with your partner and they look past it they’ve decided that hurting you is better than adjusting their tone and wording to avoid your pain. If my goal in my relationship is to make my partner feel safe. It would cost me nothing to adjust my wording so that they can understand what I’m saying. Without being hurt
He may use your longing for family for temporary drop ins for family time. Set the boundaries and accept the truth so you are not easily persuaded if he dangles the possibility of reconciliation. He lied from day one and I wouldn’t recover a relationship that never was bc it was always built on lies and him having the upper hand being the only one with all the knowledge of his GF and other flings while you knew nothing and gave him a true reflection of love. I hope his unworthiness doesn’t permanently warp your idea of love. We deserve love, loud, unashamed and reciprocated. Wishing you all the best
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