Open wounds

I’m just venting but I guess any input could be beneficial I was in a relationship for 2 years. I loved/love this girl more than I’ve ever loved anyone in this way. During the 2 years we went long distance for a year. We started to have a lot of the same arguments because we both were insecure. It was the first long distance I’ve had so it was new to me and the first one for her as well. Anyways it was very new to me and I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. I became depressed and just sad all of the time when we were apart we would miss phone calls because of conflicting schedules. In the morning until the afternoon she was in school. We couldn’t call in the afternoon I was doing something or was about to be doing something I am a very active person so I was out of the house for a lot of the time so I would miss calls. We started to have arguments about it and when we would find a solution it would work for a week then it would be the same issue the next week. She broke up with me 4 months ago. I was getting through it by journaling therapy working out and reading. I had let go of the hope because we went no contact and I thought she hated me . Well she had to come to my house to get her belongings 2 weeks ago and it turned out she didn’t hate me I just convinced myself that she did. She also left so much hope for reconciliation in the future. Now I am going through the same heart break again after our very long conversation but this time it’s different because I know how she actually feels not what I created in my head she only had a year left is school and I don’t know if I should hold on to the hope she gave me or throw it away. Anyways this sucks a lot and I miss her and i know she misses me. I am very confused and all the self care that I do just gets met with thoughts or futures with her. I guess I’ll keep doing what I have been doing and working on myself. When we met she definitely noticed all the work that I have put in so that’s a plus I guess