Feeling Hurt and Sand

Girl I’ve known for 3 years, dated for 2 months I broke things off with her. It wasn’t healthy for me to stay in it… Twice over the course of our friendship, I had asked her out. She said no. Then about a month before we started dating, I told her I had strong feelings for her, and that I couldn’t continue to be friends unless there was something more between us. I stopped hanging out and talking to her at that point. 3 weeks later, she approached me and said “I know we’ve talked about dating but we’ve never done it. Why don’t we try? If you asked me out again, I might not say no this time…” So I asked her out, she said yes. We went on about 8-10 separate dates in the next three weeks. She then asked if we could go official (I originally left that ball in her court because she finds commitment scary). And that was that. Two months of lots of laughter and fun, some conflict and resolution….but we had a very healthy level of open communication. Lots of affection, cute dates, making out, the usual…but over time I started to realize that I was really the only one initiating. She would enjoy all the dates and affection I’d give, but I really wasn’t receiving much effort or time from her side unless I initiated first. She only ever wanted to have dates at her place, or with her friends…and that was it. Not much effort in trying to be interested in me or my hobbies, or family. Then, there was 1.5 weeks where all affection stopped. She didn’t want me around, didn’t want me touching her, didn’t wish me good morning anymore. I felt horrible. I tried figuring out what had happened, and by the end of that week and a half, I put my foot down. I told her that her behavior needed to change, that my needs were not being met, or I was done. She said things weren’t going to change, that she wasn’t physically attracted to me….she never was, and that was causing her lack of attraction and affection towards me. So we called it quits. That’s the end of the relationship. The next morning, she calls me bright and early (she isn’t a morning person), and asks me for a second chance. She said she made a huge mistake with me, and that she’d like another 6-8 weeks (she was going on vacation after that) to change her behavior and try hard to make it up to me. My gut said no, but I wanted to give her a chance, so I said okay. We lasted another 2-3 weeks after that. It only got worse, not better. Then we had a talk, and we were both done. She wanted to stay friends with me…said she didn’t want to lose my friendship, just didn’t want all the romance. I said no. And we’ve been on no-contact ever since. It’s been 2 weeks now. I feel a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I feel relieved I’m no longer in that mess. On the other, I’m very lonely and I miss the companionship and openness. She’s also in two of my major friend groups. I can’t tolerate seeing her right now. So I’ve been unable to see my friends as well.