I don’t know how to do this…

I have been in a unhealthy relationship since 2017. We have been on and off but the entirety of these years has been dedicated and focused on him and us. Yesterday was different than all the other times and there is a deep knowing it is over but I do not know how to let go, even though it brought so much pain. I tried for repair or gentle closure yet with accountability but was met with anger, frustration and gaslighting, which gets in my head and I carry the weight with me not knowing how to be kind to myself. Even in the breaking up it reflects how different we process. I don’t know how to do this… this letting go and I don’t know how to sit with the shame and feeling hated.