Breakup

My ex and I were together for 8 years and the reasoning for breaking up was partially my fault (we broke up 2/9/2025) . He would constantly rub stuff in my face and make me feel terrible, all to find out he was hiding and lying about a “secret” that I would constantly ask him about and he’d call me crazy for asking and deny the thing that was brought up. Although I felt extremely betrayed, hurt, and humiliated, I was very accepting and grateful that he finally admitted to it after all those years and blocking me for 5 months with very little contact. I was so happy because I felt it was a step closer to us getting back together and working things out. Fast forward to that night he admitted, I find out that the day after he left me and moved out of state to his brothers, he had sex with a girl from Tinder and has been texting 30+ women from Tinder since. I never knew he was that kind of person. I felt and still feel like my world was shattered. He became the person that he used to make fun of… The crazy thing is is that I was willingly to forgive him even after him telling me terrible things and terrible names. So fast forward to maybe 3 weeks since I found that out. I went to church with a friend and the church posted us on their insta with his hand on my knee while praying. My ex saw that, called me, and told me that I’ll never get him back, I’ll never be a good gf/wife, and that he’ll treat his next gf soooo much better than he ever treated me… So that made me feel terrible because I stuck with him through all of his bad “stuff”, yet I won’t be able to experience the good? And another thing is he can have sex with other people and go on tinder but me going to church with somebody is where he draws the line. I don’t really get that? I’m still extremely hurt because it doesn’t make sense to me how he could do all of that and say all those mean things to me. Regardless of all the pain and betrayal, I still love him with all of my heart…