Breaking up with a partner is never easy, and it’s natural to feel a longing to maintain a connection with them. You might find yourself asking if being friends with your ex is a good idea. It’s an easy idea to justify when your heart is especially fragile. After all, it seems like a way to keep the positive aspects of the relationship alive while still respecting the breakup, right?
Unfortunately, the truth isn’t so clear. Before pursuing friendship, it’s important to consider whether being friends with your ex is truly in your best interest. Despite the initial comfort, being friends with your ex might not be the best choice for your long-term happiness and healing.
Why People Want to Remain Friends with Their Ex
If you want to be friends with your ex, you’re far from the first person to think of doing so. In fact, research shows that we often have a craving to be near an ex after a breakup. But where does that yearning to maintain a friendship with your ex come from? Notably, there are a few common reasons:
- Security: The comfort of a familiar relationship is appealing and understandable. You’ve shared experiences and built a bond with your ex, and the idea of maintaining that connection probably feels reassuring. Likewise, it’s easy to feel lonely after a breakup, and finding new friends usually seems harder than spending time with someone you already know.
- Practicality: Sometimes, practical considerations make staying friends with an ex seem sensible. This might occur when you share social circles and mutual friends or even have joint responsibilities that make ongoing communication necessary.
- Civility: Many people aim to end their relationship on good terms and view friendship as a way to make the split a bit more civil. The idea of transitioning from romantic partners to friends without harboring animosity is appealing when you cared deeply for someone.
- Unresolved Romantic Desires: If you still have feelings for your ex, maintaining a friendship might seem like a way to keep the door open for a possible reconciliation. Having them as a friend makes it easier to hold onto the hope that things might go back to the way they were.
These reasons are all understandable, but they don’t account for the potential pitfalls of remaining friends with an ex. However, know that it’s normal if you’ve felt one or more of these. Just because you’ve thought about staying friends with an ex doesn’t mean you need to pursue the friendship.
Potential Drawbacks of Being Friends with Your Ex
While staying friends with your ex may seem appealing, there are several significant drawbacks to consider. For one, being friends can often dredge up old emotions and conflicts. Even if you’ve moved past the issues that caused your breakup, seeing your ex can reignite feelings of hurt or frustration, making it harder to truly move on.
In the same way, friendships between ex-partners often fall into unhealthy patterns. Even though you’ve broken up, you will likely keep arguing about the same things and find their bad habits frustrating. This tends to cause more stress and confusion than if you had simply cut ties and moved on.
When a relationship ends, though, it’s challenging to fully close the chapter. It’s even harder when you’re still in contact with an ex. Part of healing is to embrace new opportunities and relationships, but that isn’t easy to do with a heavy emotional anchor dragging you down.
If this isn’t enough, research shows that friendships between exes tend to be of lower quality than other friendships. These relationships often have more negative aspects and less emotional support than other friendships.
If you wanted to be friends with stranger A but knew your friendship would be fraught with difficulties and harder than being friends with stranger B, who would you choose? In the long run, it’s usually more rewarding to pursue other friendships—new and old alike.
Long-Term Impact on Healing and Happiness
After any breakup, it’s important to prioritize your long-term emotional health and well-being. Moving on from a breakup is tough, but it’s a crucial part of the healing process. Although you’ll feel some temporary discomfort when you cut ties with your ex, the benefits of moving on are long-lasting.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, offers a sharp perspective, saying, “The costs of your good habits are in the present. The costs of your bad habits are in the future.”
Choosing to move forward from a breakup without the distraction or potential complications of a friendship with your ex may be challenging now, but it’s essential to your future happiness and growth.
Rather than chasing a friendship that is likely to end in hurt, instead consider embracing the end of the relationship as an opportunity for personal development and new experiences.
How to Be Friends with Your Ex? Let Go to Protect Your Happiness
Ultimately, while staying friends with your ex might seem comforting, the emotional strain and potential for old patterns to resurface often outweigh the benefits. It’s crucial to let go and focus on healing and personal growth for your long-term happiness and emotional health. Staying connected with an ex can keep you anchored to the past, making it harder to embrace the new opportunities that lie ahead. As you navigate the complexities of deciding whether to remain friends with your ex, Breakup Buddy is here to support you. The app’s AI-based tools offer personalized guidance to help you understand your emotions and make informed decisions about your post-breakup journey. By helping you learn to embrace self-care and healing, Breakup Buddy puts you on the path to finding clarity and long-term happiness.
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