You’ve just broken up with your partner. A hundred thoughts are swirling around your head as you try to reconcile losing the person you pictured a life with, shared your deepest secrets with, and counted as your best friend. It’s normal to experience lots of emotions after a breakup. After all, your life has been turned upside down after a single conversation, phone call, or text.
Although being overwhelmed with feelings after a breakup is expected, how you deal with your emotions plays a significant role in how quickly you can start healing. Since you don’t want to suffer with miserable post-breakup emotions forever, it’s important to understand what you’re feeling and why. From there, you can start to unpack your feelings and put yourself on the path to healing.
In this article, we’ll look at the many emotions you might have after breaking up with your partner and explore the science behind why you feel the way you do. We’ll also share some helpful tips for healing so you can start moving past your breakup and living your life to the fullest.
Why Do Breakups Hurt So Bad?
Going through a breakup can feel like an emotional earthquake. Your thoughts and feelings are constantly changing, and the very act of being broken up with can shake you to your core. But why is it that breakups hurt so bad? There are a few possible explanations.
For one, according to UCLA researchers, being rejected actually triggers the same portions of your brain that respond to physical pain. In other words, breakups really do hurt. Not to mention the feelings of humiliation, loneliness, and stress you feel in the wake of being dumped.
Another reason for the heartache is not understanding why the breakup happened. A 2017 study found that people who understood the reasons for the end of their relationship suffered less and ended up being happier the next time they had a partner. So whether you’re in denial about the split or were suddenly left in the dark, not coming to terms with the cause of your breakup can make it feel that much worse.
Lastly, losing your significant other greatly impacts how you perceive the world. One study found that women who held their husband’s hand while receiving a slight electric shock felt less threatened than when the same shock was applied and they weren’t holding hands with their partner. When you lose that safety net, the stress of everyday life can suddenly feel more daunting.
Dealing with Emotions After a Breakup Is Key to Healing
No matter if it’s your first breakup or your tenth, you’re bound to have a complex flurry of emotions to work through. As these feelings disrupt your daily routine and tempt you to wallow in self-pity, you must begin to process your emotions after splitting up with your significant other if you’d like to get on the healing track.
Learning to understand your emotions is the first step. From there, you will need to find ways to process them and move towards happier feelings so you can heal. A breakup might feel like the end of the world, and this is normal, but remember, it’s not. There’s always a brighter day on the horizon, and moving on from your ex might be just the opportunity you need to reach it.
Still, in the aftermath of a breakup, your focus should be on dealing with your emotions. Understanding the many types of emotions you may feel after a breakup is that crucial first step on the path to healing.
1. Understanding Grief and Loss
Grieving the end of a relationship is a delicate process that varies from person to person. You might be incredibly upset while your ex seems not to care. Your friend might hole up in their room for a week after a breakup while you go about your days as usual but see the world a little grayer than before.
Research shows that the way many people process breakups is very similar to those going through a traumatic event, like the death of a loved one. This response often leads to intense feelings of grief as you work through the loss of a romantic relationship. You’ve probably heard of the stages of grief before, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although it might not be obvious, you’ll likely go through these stages after a breakup.
It’s important to note that these stages aren’t linear. You may find yourself cycling through a mix of emotions after a breakup—and that’s okay. One day, you might be angry about the split, and the next you may wish your ex would return. Grieving a lost relationship takes time to work through. Embracing each of the emotions that come with the stages of grief is part of your unique healing journey.
2. Managing Anger and Resentment
Anger can be one of the strongest and most unsettling emotions you experience after a breakup. Whether you’re mad at a cheating ex or are just upset about the way things ended, anger is a valid feeling. Breakups hurt so bad because you were emotionally invested in your relationship. So when it ends abruptly or in a way you disagree with, it’s natural to feel angry.
However, finding productive (and healthy) outlets for your anger is important. Allowing it to fester inside you can lead to harmful issues like increased anxiety, high blood pressure, and aggressive behavior toward others. Instead, seek to get your angry emotions out through activities like journaling or physical exercise.
Forgiveness is another vital piece of the healing puzzle. Although your feelings of anger after a breakup are valid, forgiveness gives you permission to heal and move on. You don’t have to condone your ex’s actions if they’ve hurt you, but forgiving them can help ease your anger after a split.
3. Coping with Loneliness After a Breakup
Loneliness after a breakup is one of the most challenging emotions to grapple with. Life can feel empty without your ex as you work to find a new identity and ways to spend time independently. Loneliness is often overwhelming, especially at first.
Breaking up means losing an important, perhaps even the center, piece of your social circle. Without your ex around to be your primary conversation partner and built-in best friend, you may feel like you’re walking through the world on your own.
But remember, you’re never alone. Social connections have been proven to be key contributors to healing after a breakup. Scheduling time to hang out with friends, visit family members, and engage in other social activities can help ease your feelings of loneliness after a breakup.
4. Navigating Breakup Guilt and Regret
In the months following a breakup, guilt and regret can linger. Both of these emotions cast a shadow on your healing process, regardless of the reason for why your relationship ended. You might feel guilty for staying in a relationship after the love is gone or for ending an imperfect relationship because you’re now lonely.
Remember that ending relationships is a natural part of the dating process. Likewise, guilt doesn’t belong to only one partner—usually, both people are responsible for things not working out. That’s why breakup guilt is one of the most common emotions people face after splitting up.
Instead of letting guilt steal your happiness after a breakup, try to remember that mistakes happen and often lead to growth. Though painful, the lessons a breakup can teach us are stepping stones to finding true happiness down the road. If you’re feeling guilty, taking time to acknowledge your emotions, reflect on your relationship, and talk about your feelings with others can help.
5. Rediscovering Your Self-Worth After Splitting Up
Much like it can create feelings of loneliness, a bad breakup often leaves you questioning your self-worth. You must find your new identity without your partner and reconcile the negative self-talk you might be participating in.
For many people, this is a difficult step. However, reestablishing your self-worth is crucial to the healing process. In fact, research shows that failing to do so after a breakup can increase the distress you feel.
Since every individual is unique, there is no right or wrong way to improve your self-esteem after a breakup. One helpful tool can be using affirmations to start training your mind to look for more positive thoughts. Another can be trying to surround yourself with positivity in your other relationships, which can rub off on your internal thoughts.
6. Controlling Anxiety After a Breakup
The fear of the unknown is a major hurdle thrown in your path after a breakup. You’ve gone from a steady companionship to not knowing what the future holds for your love life. This can leave you feeling helpless and often creates feelings of anxiety.
For those who already suffer from an anxiety disorder, the end of a relationship can increase symptoms like nervousness and panic attacks. Even if you don’t suffer from anxiety, though, you might find yourself feeling anxious after a breakup. This is perfectly normal as you adjust to life without your ex.
Coping with this nerve-wracking emotion takes effort and patience. You won’t get rid of your breakup anxiety overnight. However, constantly working to be aware of your feelings, identify triggers, and break down your worries into smaller, more manageable steps can help. Talking about your feelings with others can also yield some much-needed perspective and ease your anxiety.
Breakup Buddy Is Your Partner in Healing
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Our AI-powered app guides you through your breakup with 70+ personal exercises and a safe place to learn about your feelings. You can also track your progress, journal, and manage emotional triggers with 24/7 access to all our supportive resources.
Start your healing journey now with a free trial, and let Breakup Buddy be your helping hand to a happier you.
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