Can’t eat can’t sleep
On June 26, I said something very stupid to my boyfriend. I have a sleep in on topaMax as well but that’s no excuse. His 18-year-old daughter wants her 18-year-old friend to move into their small little house and her friend looks like my boyfriend‘s deceased ex his child’s mother. he asked me what my opinion was, and I’ve didn’t think it through and it’s probably because I’ve never been an experience where my child has lost their parents so I was very insensitive and I wasn’t thinking and I told him that I was a little insecure about having a young girl that looked like his ex moving in where you know they have to be passing each other by towels and stuff like that and I guess I was just not thinking right and of course you know that Alicia Silverstone movie popped into mind. I was very ignorant and I’m very sorry but of course he got upset and he decided not to talk to me for a few days understandably and then last Wednesday he broke up with me. I’ve apologize so many times now I have I apologize I have went and educated myself why that could be a sensitive subject. I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I talk to some wonderful people that helped explain why that hurt him But you know now he refuses to have anything really to do with me. Right now I’ve still have not decided if I wanted to go no contact but I’ve been watching his Snapchat score and it keeps going up and I’m pretty sure he’s talking to somebody else because here it is like three 4 AM and his scores are going up and if I send them anything, he doesn’t really open it. He has kind of talked a little bit. I wrote him a note with ChatGPT and I poured out my heart and I’m hoping to give it to him tomorrow. See if he will understand and maybe take me back but I really doubt it. I think that ship is sailed and then after that, I gotta decide whether to go no contact which makes me so sad because right before this happened. Everything was so perfect until I made that blunder and as bad as that blunder was, it seemed to erase 20 months of good memories and good times and anytime he needed me. I was there for him when his brother was homeless. I bought his brother hotel. I helped him with his Internet bill when it was out. I’ve helped him buy his car because that was his dream car I’ve done so much and I love this guy. You could just see in my face and I don’t think anybody could ever love him as much as I did and I know that sounds weird, but I really love the guy and he has put me through a lot, but I still looked at him like he was the most amazing man ever. Since June 26 I have not ate. I can’t even put myself to eat. I’m doing good at trying to at least keep some water down on me. I haven’t slept all but maybe five hours I have even gotten to the point that I don’t even really shower. My bedroom is a mess. My house is a mess. I don’t even get bed. I don’t even turn on the TV. I just sit there and watch my phone and hope he calls it sucks that he just discarded me and instead of him educating me about what was wrong with what I said because like I said, I haven’t experienced that type of thing. not making excuse for my behavior my speech. Does anybody have any suggestions how I can make this right again if I can make it right again… should I go no contact that would be probably less painful to see him chatting up with other girls but at the same time when we’ve always said, if we broke up, we will still be friends in there for each other but at this point, he doesn’t even seem to even care about me