Struggling

My ex boyfriend left me a month ago we were together for 2 years. He left because I couldn’t get my mental health together and would some times say mean stuff when I was drunk. I’ve taken all the blame and apologised but he worked loads and I needed someone there, he’s taken no accountability in it and not heard me out now I’ve had the space to process what happened. I got triggered the other day talking to him and spiralled again. I feel awful I thought he was my soul mate. How do you get over ruining a relationship with the person I love the most? I’m doing the work on myself but I thought he would be here to support me