I feel so lost and alone

So all my relationships have ended bad. I’ve been cheated on 11 times by all 11 girls I’ve dated. I told myself that I’m done dating. But then ima call her Nichole came into my life. She was amazing I feel in love with her so fast we talked 24/7 for 3 years. We got married had a son and started a life together. She ended things at the beginning of the month. I have no clue how to much on. She’s moving on just fine like nothing even happened and I just don’t know how. I can’t do no contact because we have a kid together I can’t not see her because she picks him up every weekend. Why do I feel the way I feel? Today she picked up our son and I later texted her is it hard for you to see me? She said it is and I asked do you hope the love comes back? And she said maybe but I am happier on my own. That hurt so much it’s been a month and she’s already moved on like the past 3 years ment nothing to her. Why am I so stuck why can’t I just move on like I’m even at the point of wanting to relinquish father right just so I don’t have to see her anymore this is the hardest break up I’ve ever gone through and there was no cheating every time I see her I want to hug and kiss her but she doesn’t even let me touch her how long until I feel normal again how long until I feel like myself again will I ever recover or is this just who I am? All I think about is I’m gonna be the guy that wishes he was with his ex I saw an episode of family guy and it was a dad and son at a mall the son said to the dad I wish I was with mom and the dad said me too why is that gonna be me I’ve lost everything I lost my home my stuff my wife my son my job my car I’ve lost it all and now I have to rebuild my entire life but what am I rebuilding it for am I rebuilding it for myself if so I don’t want to I don’t want to get my own place I don’t want to get more stuff I just want her I just want her back in my life but that won’t ever happen and that breaks my heart even more I have so many questions and no one to talk to about this I hate my life I just want to be home in bed with her one last time holding on and never letting go but she doesn’t want me because she sees me as a disappointment and that hurts even more what do I do