Dated for two years, broke up for college, off and on for a year

Why why why is he the only one that’s allowed to reach out when he wants to use me and then throw me out like I’m disposable. He makes me feel so loved in the moment and then taking a step back it feels like he doesn’t care about me at all because why else would he do this. He works at my dad’s business so I hear about him all the time at home which fucking sucks. I feel so vulnerable and terrible and weak. It’s been a year of no contact for a few months (while thinking about him every day) and then one of us will reach out and hang out and then the cycle continues and I don’t know when it will end. Part of me hopes it will never end so I can always hold on to the possibility that he’ll reach out again. But it’s been a year and it’s not getting any fucking easier. If anyone has a similar situation pls help I’m very upset still lol