Day 74

Day 74 post-blocking an abuser I dated for 2.5 years. He left me first despite the many attempts I did to keep him. I realized a pattern in this relationship, anxious attachment? Or obsession over a harmful person and a toxic relationship? I struggled to understand why I was holding on to him despite the crazzzy amount of red flags I noticed. Because he was a narcissist, I always felt like I am walking on eggshells, disrespecting me was an attitude, yet I kept obsessing over him. Honestly, looking back into the past, I used to think i will never survive without him, my mind was tricking me, I thought my life would stop, i sometimes felt physically sick when I thought of the breakup. I thought many times of breaking up first but couldn’t do it, he honestly did me a huge favor, not only because I have the chance to meet a better person, but because I learned about my own patterns. I’m fixing me today. After almost 2 months of breakup, I feel great, it’s definitely a roller coaster but guess what? I am still breathing. I wish he feels the pain he caused me to the heart. I’m sending love to everyone grieving over an abusive person. You will get through this.