Missing the one that broke me makes me a foul?

I feel guilty by missing someone who broke me in too many pieces, i feel frustrated because i loved him so sincerely that i can’t hate him not even a little bit and that hurts like hell because everyone tells me to move on, everyone it’s constantly saying to me the shame I should feel for everything that I allowed him, they’re telling me “he never felt anything for you and he never will so get over it”… but I have so many questions, if he never felt anything why does he stayed 4 years in a row searching me, writing me, apologizing, telling me that I was important to him, asking to see me, spending romantic moments with me ??? I’m so confused, because even when I blocked him he made the impossible to reach me and apologize to me after a couple months of no contact, and now suddenly he doesn’t want to know anything about me and he hates me? I know sometimes I can be sensitive and he called that “drama”, but i have spent the last 4 years trying to be enough, trying to be chosen, trying to be loved by him, justifying every hurtful moment, every hurtful word or action… and that consumed me, made me insecure and made me feel that I’m not worthy of love because no matter what I do he will never ever chose me and he will never see me as a valuable girl. I can’t stop asking myself …Will he one day regret letting me go?, does he miss me even just a little bit?, did he really felt something or it was just empty words to have me and then leave me?