How to Navigate Mutual Friends After a Breakup

Going through a breakup of any kind is difficult. However, if you are sharing mutual friends with an ex, it can get even more challenging. 

Perhaps you’re thinking, “My ex and I have the same friends. What do I do now?”

Here at Breakup Buddy, we understand the complex emotions and situations you may be dealing with after breaking up, including how to navigate your mutual friends after a breakup.

Keep reading to explore how you can share a friend group, difficult situations you might encounter, and even the tough choice of deciding when to move on from not only your ex but also your friends.

What Sharing a Friend Group Means

Sharing mutual friends with an ex means that you will inevitably have to see each other and feel those awkward, uncomfortable feelings. 

If your breakup was amicable, these feelings may subside quickly. However, if your breakup was more difficult, having your ex in the same friend group may lead to some anxiety. Learning how to properly manage these emotions is critical if you want to continue sharing your mutual friends.

Why You Might Share a Friend Group with an Ex

Maintaining healthy relationships with the people you care about after a breakup is an important step in moving on with your life. This is why many people choose to maintain friendships even when their ex has the same friends.

Depending on the stage of life you are in, you, your ex, and your friends might go to the same school, work at the same place, or all have similar interests. This could make finding new friends and avoiding the old ones difficult.

Sharing a friend group can lead to a better breakup. If you and your ex are willing to talk about your differences after the breakup, including how you will share your friends and attend events together, you may find each other’s existence more tolerable.

Pros and Cons of Sharing a Friend Group

With your emotions running high after a breakup, it can be hard to see why anyone else in the world could still like your ex, including your mutual friends.Maintaining a shared friend group with an ex has some definite pros and cons.

Pros of Keeping Mutual Friends

If you decide to keep your group of mutual friends, you may discover some surprising benefits:

• You get to maintain relationships: The best benefit of sharing a friend group is that you get the same comfort, security, and love from your friends that you had before. However, depending on how your friends and your ex met (Were they friends first before you joined the group?), some friendships might feel more strained.
• You can keep going to the places you like: For some couples, as soon as they break up, they commit to never going to their favorite coffee shop again or finding a new gym. Just because you ended a relationship, that does not mean you have to give up the places you like. You can maintain your friendship with your neighborhood baristas and hang out with your best gym bros just like you did before. You just need to recognize that you might awkwardly run into your ex sometimes.
• You might become friends again with your ex: As outlandish as this sounds, some people can overcome their differences with their former partner and, over time, become friends again.

Cons of Keeping Mutual Friends

Maintaining mutual friends post-breakup can lead to some difficult situations and feelings.

• Your friends choose sides: In many friend groups, especially large ones, there will be certain people who are closer than others. If your ex has a best friend in your group, that friend will likely favor your ex. This could lead to other friends “choosing sides,” especially if your breakup was volatile.
• You experience continual stress: If you and your ex both attend the same group events, you will be continually putting yourself through anxious and awkward situations. This can lead to prolonged stress and make it even harder to get over your ex and move on with your life.

3 Tips for Sharing Mutual Friends After a Breakup

Sharing the same group of friends after a breakup will take maturity and patience. Here are 3 tips to help you process this tricky situation.

1. Be Open and Honest About the Breakup

Your friends will inevitably be curious about why you and your ex broke up. Instead of dodging the question, be open and honest with your friends. Hopefully, your ex will do the same, so everyone understands the situation. 

2. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex

As much as you might dislike your ex right now, it’s important not to say mean or bad things about them to your friends. While you should tell the truth about what happened, keep the drama and gossip to yourself. 

By keeping the topic respectful and honest, you won’t end up saying something you might regret later.

3. Take Some Time to Yourself 

While spending time with your friends is an excellent way to move on, if that friend group includes your ex, it could be healthy and healing to take some time for yourself. Consider finding a new hobby or spending more time with your family. While you’re away from your friends, consider how you want to move forward with your friendships.

When to Know It’s Time to Go Your Separate Ways

As much as you enjoy spending time with your current friends, there may be some breakups that need to include your friends, too.

Ask yourself these questions, to help you decide if you should stay in your friend group:

• Are my friends choosing my ex over me?
• Are my friends gossiping about me behind my back?
• Are my friends avoiding my texts/calls?
• Do these friends add joy to my life?
• Is my ex asking mutual friends about me?
• Does my ex ignore me but talk to my friends?

If you don’t like the answer to one or more of these questions, it might be time to find a new friend group.

If you are feeling lost and don’t know how to heal after a breakup, the Breakup Buddy app can help. The app offers 24/7 support to give you a safe, private place to chat about your thoughts and feelings. This app helps you vent, journal, and complete healing exercises to help you get your life back on track.